Harry Potter and the 19 Years: A Satire
by nerdherd14
Summary: Alright, I suck at summaries, but this is a thrilling, captivating tale of the 19 years in between HP7 and the epilogue. My friend and I wrote it a few years back, so enjoy. Disclaimer: we are not crazy perverts. This is meant to be a satire/comedy HAHA.
1. Chapter 1

It was a depressing day at the burrow. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Ginny Weasley were all sulking in the family room. They were wearing midnight black dress robes and black dress shoes. George Weasley was in the kitchen rummaging around in the refrigerator for something sweet to eat. He needed it after what had happened lately. There had been so many deaths. Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks both died, leaving their infant son, Teddy Lupin, all on his own. Tonks' mother, Andromeda, had generously taken him in. But they brought him over a lot to visit.

George remembered back to their funeral, which had been one conjoined event. There were a lot of people he didn't know, and a lot of what was left of the Order. They were buried in Godric's Hallow, a fact that somewhat surprised him.

George's twin, Fred Weasley, had also died in the battle of Hogwarts. It was a raging battle, but he died for a good cause. Soon after, Harry defeated Voldemort, the Dark Lord. Fred was not there to see it, for he had passed away shortly before that.

As soon as George found a slice of chocolate cake on the top shelf of the refrigerator, his mother, Molly Weasley, came downstairs, tissue in hand. She was sniffing and blowing her nose into the tissue. As soon as George turned around, he could see tears shimmering on her face. Ginny heard the dreadful sound of her mother's fateful sobbing. She was about to stand up and comfort her when Harry put a gentle hand on her shoulder, telling her to let her mother handle the situation on her own.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and without Mrs. Weasley even having to answer the door, in walked Bill and Fleur, the fairly new couple, both dressed in black robes. "Oh," cried a saddened Fleur, running over and embracing Mrs. Weasly into a gargantuan hug, "Mrs. Veasley, I am so sorry about vat happened. Eet eez a tragedy!" Everyone in the room noticed her lovely French accent.

"Thank you, Fleur. Are you ready for the funeral? It will begin in a few minutes," sobbed Mrs. Weasley. She walked toward the back door and out into the yard, her flaming red hair bobbing up and down with every step, Bill and Fleur following.

Ginny suddenly stood up and raced out the back door, following her mother. Ginny's hair was straight and like the rest of her family's, flaming red. Her brown eyes were filled with tears. Being respectful to the Weaslys, Harry got up to follow Ginny out the door. That left Ron and Hermione alone on the cream-colored couch in the burrow.

"Ronald," she started, but Ron was apparently too upset to talk. "He died for a good cause. He died for all of us in trying to defeat Voldemort! And we completed that task!"

"Yeah, I guess," stated Ron, scooting over to hug Hermione. "I just really miss him. If I miss him this much, I wonder how George must feel. I mean, Fred was his twin!"

"There, there, Ron," said Hermione, trying to comfort him, "it'll all turn out okay in the end. Let's go outside to attend the funeral." She planted a kiss on his forehead.

_Ron_ _remembered back before he and Hermione were dating. They were playing _Marry, Do, or Kill _with Harry in the backyard. "Ron, you aren't saying much," Hermione had commented. "It's your turn, anyway."_

Ron gulped. "Well, I would kill Harry, if I had to, marry Hermione, and do, um, Hermione!"

Hermione shook her head, disgusted. "Why not just marry or do?"

"Because," Ron had tried to explain, "I wouldn't want to marry anyone else," he finished, ears flushing scarlet. _Well, _that _sounded a lot better in my head, _he had thought to himself.

Hermione grunted, unimpressed. "Yeah, and _doing_ anyone else is just out of the question."

"Well," said Ron, thinking this was extremely unfair, "What would you have said?"

"Marry Harry, do Krum, and kill Ron," she said, as if reciting from one of her textbooks.

Ron scowled and ran inside. Harry and Hermione heard a door slam.

Hermione laughed, but later she had come in and kissed him. After saying she was joking, of course.

In the backyard, there was a white marble coffin lying on the ground. Encased in it, was Fred Weasley, dead as a doornail. He would never laugh or cry or breathe again. His face was as white as the coffin he was lying in. Pale and lifeless, the last laugh lingering as if frozen on his face. Everyone was gathered around the coffin and hovering over Fred's corpse. The coffin was open for visitors to look at Fred. They could even touch him for a short while.

There were a lot of the same people there were at Bill and Fleur's wedding, Harry observed. He glanced across the yard to Teddy Lupin, who was squirming around joyfully in Andromeda Tonks' arms, and didn't know a thing about what was going on. His hair was rapidly changing colors from turquoise to pink, to white, to grey, to green, and so on, just like his mother, Nymphadora. He was especially clingy to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. He got a bit scared when he was somewhere with many unfamiliar people, like most babies do, but was somehow still comfortable with Harry, Hermione, or any of the Weasleys. He nearly jumped out of Andromeda's arms to hurry over to Mrs. Weasley, but Mr. Weasley stopped him at the last second.

After everyone had had a last look at Fred Weasley, the coffin was closed. The ceremony began. "We are gathered here today," started the minister, "to mourn the death of Fred Weasley. He had six siblings and was planning to grow up and have many children. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Fred Weasley died in the Battle of Hogwarts on May fifteenth.

"Molly and Arthur Weasley, please come forward to watch your son be buried."

The two distraught parents stepped forward and towards Fred's white marble coffin, and Harry suddenly thought of his own parents, who died saving him. "I always hoped that I would die before my children," sobbed Mrs. Weasley. I guess I was wrong!" She broke out in a fit of gasping sobs, and Harry felt sorry for her.

Fred's coffin was being lifted and dropped into the 6-foot hole of earth. Fred was being buried in the Weasleys' backyard. It is an odd place to have a coffin—in someone's backyard—but it was what Mr. and Mrs. Weasley wished to do with their son's dead body.

After he was buried, everyone proceeded back inside. Bill and Fleur stayed at the burrow, but not for very long, as Mrs. Weasley had warned them that she didn't have much room. Harry and Hermione were both staying overnight with the Weasleys because Harry had nowhere else to go and Hermione made her parents forget they even had a daughter.

Everyone sat around the table to talk about their favorite memories with Fred. "Hey," said George, "at least we have good memories about Fred. Like when we opened Weasley's Wizard Wares and we made the sign about U Know Poo."

Mrs. Weasley started to sniff so she excused herself from the table.

Later that evening, Ron went to the kitchen to get some milk, Harry and Ginny sat down on the couch again, staring at the blank wall in front of them, and Hermione went to use the upstairs bathroom. Her footsteps could be heard stomping up the stairs. "What's her problem?" Harry asked Ginny.

"I don't know, Harry," Ginny replied in a harsh tone. "Maybe RON WILL KNOW!"

"Wh-what would make you think I would know?" stuttered Ron. "I'll just go and check on her."

He got up from the wooden kitchen chair and ran up the stairs, mumbling to himself. Harry could hear him say the words "moody" and "connection" and even a few curse words.

"What was _that_?" asked Harry after Ron had left.

"_Well_," replied Ginny pointedly, "they've been going out for about a month but that's all I can think of." She paused and scratched her head. "Come to think of it, that's all we know about their relationship!"

Harry's eyes widened. "You don't think…?" Harry's voice trailed off.

"I'm way ahead of you," she muttered. "Whatever," she continued. "We should just leave them at it."

When Harry got tired enough, he decided to go up to bed. He was sharing Ron's bedroom, but it wasn't too terrible, though Ron did snore.

Harry swung open the door and turned white in seeing what was behind it—Ron and Hermione on the bed—lying on top of each other.

"Wha-?" he sputtered, disgusted, though not too incredibly shocked.

Flustered, Ron sat upright and Hermione stood. They had both turned scarlet, and were covering themselves with bed sheets, staring at Harry.

"Uh, I was going to go to bed, now."

"Wha—oh, yeah" Ron replied. Hermione left, gathering up her clothes on the way. "Sorry, mate," Ron said after she had left.

"Uh, yeah, okay," Harry replied awkwardly. "Can this day get any weirder?"

Harry slept fitfully, but he didn't dream of Voldemort. Instead he dreamt Ron and Hermione got married and Fred hadn't died. Instead, Ginny had died, and Harry was with Cho Chang, his girlfriend from fifth year. Cho was drowning, and Harry was turning into a snake. But the snake wasn't Nagini, as Harry had expected. Instead, it was the basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets. It thrashed around in skin and bones, apparently hurt from something Harry didn't understand. Then he was in the Weasley's backyard. The Weasleys and a very pregnant Hermione were all yelling at him. Then, Ron started yelling, "The British are coming! The British are coming!", even though they were all British in the first place. Everyone in the yard was blaming him for Ginny's death, but it wasn't his fault. He had to get away. All this yelling…then, he was running, to where he didn't know. And the Weasley's were chasing after him, except for Hermione, who was waddling along at a slower pace, along with all of their gnomes. The Weasleys got tired quickly, though, and they stopped. But Harry kept running, and the gnomes continued after him, along with the chickens; Ginny's, Lupin's, Tonks's, Sirius's, Dumbledore's, Snape's and his parents' ghosts; and Mrs. Weasley's household clock that tells her where each of the family members are. He was slowly losing speed, and just when everything caught up with him he woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry lay awake in bed, listening to the sound of Ron's constant snoring. He had so much on his mind. He was confused about what he was going to do with his life. Was he ever going to get his own apartment? Was he ever going to get married and have kids of his own? He definitely wanted to, but he just wasn't ready for that yet.

_Maybe in a few years, _he thought. _I'll probably find someone eventually. But, what if it's Ginny? I promised Ron that I wouldn't… but now that Voldemort is dead, Ginny isn't in danger anymore…_

* * ** *dsdf

"Harry dear!" called Mrs. Weasley from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready!"

It was a sunny morning at the burrow and all of the Weasleys and Hermione were up and dressed. Harry was the only one in the house who was still sluggish. He was up late last night. "Hey," Ron mumbled as Harry plopped down in the seat next to him. Ron wouldn't meet his eyes. He knew it was because he had walked in on him any Hermione last night.

Harry groaned and looked to the other side of him. The seat was empty, so he turned back to Ron. Then, he felt someone sit down on the other side of him. It was Ginny. Harry started blushing. _She is so beautiful,_ he thought to himself. "Hey Harry," called George from across the table, "she hasn't even done anything yet and you've already gone scarlet!" He snickered.

"Oh stop it," said Hermione, slightly chuckling. "Nothing's wrong with Harry blushing."

Harry turned to Ron who gave him his You-better-keep-your-promise-that-you-won't-do-it-again look. He knew he had promised Ron that he wouldn't kiss Ginny ever again, but he couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to. He knew that Ginny wanted to as well. Or, did she? He turned to Ginny again who shyly said, "So, er, would you like some toast, Harry?"

"Sure, Gin," he replied quickly, then covered his mouth, realizing what he had just done.

George exploded into laughter from across the table. Eggs came flying out of his mouth. "He's even got a pet name for her!"

"Dad," said Percy, trying to have a normal conversation, "would you like some pumpkin juice?"

"Of course Percy!"

"I- I'll just—," stuttered Harry, "I- I'm, er, uh…"

Hermione looked confused, Ron looked boiling mad, and Ginny was blushing like crazy. Harry didn't want to embarrass himself any more, so he just grabbed the toast off of Ron's plate and ran upstairs. The Weaslys heard a door slam. All was silent for a few seconds. Then George began laughing again. "Oh, shut up," said Mrs. Weasley.

Harry sat on his bed. He was too stressed to do anything right now. He wondered if he could still be Ron's friend. _If it weren't for him,_ he thought_, I would be snogging Ginny right now._

Just then, there was a faint knock at the door. "Go away Ron," Harry replied. "My life is none of your business."

There was no sound for a few seconds, and then Ginny entered the room. "I'm not Ron," she said sitting down next to Harry, "but I'm a Weasley, so you might want me out of here."

She stood up to leave, but Harry said, "No, wait! Don't go!"

She turned around at sat back down. "Yes?"

"I don't care what Ron says, Ginny. I really like you."

"Me too!" screamed Ginny, hugging Harry. "And I want to get back together, but I just don't want you to leave me again."

Harry shushed her in fear that Ron heard and then said, "Don't worry. I will never leave you."

"So," Ginny started, "Since you said that you don't care about Ron…"

She laid down next to Harry and the pulled him down too. They leaned into each other and started kissing each other like they did last summer- as wonderful as could be. _I hope Ron doesn't find out,_ thought Harry.

_Ron's a git,_ thought Ginny.

Harry and Ginny continued kissing, until the door burst open. It was Ron.

He looked fuming. "Ron, wait," started Ginny, "I can explain!"

"GET *BEEP*ING (that was ab's idea, not the camille's) OUT!" he bellowed at Harry.

"Fine," said Harry, "and I'm taking Ginny with me. We can live alone without you!"

He pulled Ginny out of the room. "Harry, wait!" she said. "Remember? We don't care about Ron! We can stay here. You can live in my room!"

"No 'effin way!" screamed Ron from down the hall.

"Ronald Billius Weasley!" screamed Ginny. "I don't care what you say! You're not my mum, so Harry and I can do what we want!"

She started sobbing into Harry's chest. He had never seen her cry before, except for once when she was eleven and once when she was nine, so he was startled at first, but then embraced her in a hug. Ron rushed over and pulled them apart just as Hermione was trudging up the stairs. "Ronald Weasley!" she yelled.

She stopped in her tracks as Ginny continued sobbing. She went over to comfort her. "Look what you've done! You have to understand! You may be her big brother, but she is an _adult_! She doesn't even have to live here anymore!"

"But I can't bear to be away from my family!" she yelled. "Ron moving out would be nice, but if I want to be with Harry here, I can!"

"What is going on here?" Mrs. Weasley asked, stomping up the steps. She stopped as soon as she saw Ginny sobbing, hugging Harry, Hermione yelling at Ron, and Ron thrusting himself at Hermione and kissing her to stop her yelling. This scene for a few more seconds until Mrs. Weasly yelled, "STOP IT! All of you stop it!"

Everyone broke apart and Ginny said in a small voice, "Mum, maybe Ron can tell you what's going on."

"Ronald," Mrs. Weasley started.

"Well Mum," he said, "Harry and Ginny were snogging and then we all got into this huge argument about who can do what, but—"

"But," said Mrs. Weasley, "I think I am the mother, not you, Ron."

"He is a girl," replied Ginny.

"Ginevra Weasley!"

"Sorry Mum."

"Anyway," said Mrs. Weasley, "Ron, Ginny is an adult and we can't baby her anymore. It may be hard for you to believe, but I am giving her permission to date Harry… temporarily, unless it gets out of hand."

"WHAT?" screamed Ron. "You must be crazy! You're out of your mind!"

"Thank you mum," said Ginny smugly.

"But enough of this! As you all should know, tomorrow is Harry's eighteenth birthday!"

"It is?" Harry replied.

Ginny screamed. "Be right back! Mum, don't mind if I take the car, do you? Thanks. See you!"

"Ginny, wait!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Shopping I suppose…" Then, she walked down the stairs.

Ron glared at Harry. "Thanks. Thanks for messing up my baby sister…" he said, leading Hermione into his small attic bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Forgotten Disclaimer: I do not own any element of Harry Potter, no matter how much I wish I did.**

**A/N: The text in parentheses includes random, hilarious revision comments that my friend Camille had added. Hope they don't interrupt the story, and I can remove them if necessary.**

Harry woke with a start. He must have fallen asleep in Ginny's bed for a few minutes. It took him a short while to remember exactly where he was. He had dreamt that Voldemort was still alive, and he was killing people all over again. But he knew it was just a dream. Voldemort couldn't possibly still be alive, and even if he were, Harry wouldn't know it. The only reason Harry had ever had real life Voldemort dreams before was because Harry was a horcrux; he was connected to Voldemort in more than one way. So they could often get inside each other's heads. But in order to kill Voldemort, he had to kill the horcrux inside of himself first. Thus, the connection was broken, and Harry would never have to worry about being connected to Voldemort again.

Remembering suddenly it was his eighteenth birthday, Harry jumped hastily out of bed and practically ran down the stairs. He saw that everyone was gathered around the Weasleys' kitchen table, where a stack of presents sat. All of the Weasleys were there and everyone was smiling, except for Ron, who was arguing with Hermione about what Mrs. Weasley had said last night. Then, Mrs. Weasley yelled, "HARRY!" Ron and Hermione stopped what they were doing and turned towards Harry. Ron picked up a present from the stack and gave it to Harry, who hastily opened it. "Thanks Ron! _14 Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_!"

Next came Hermione who gave him some underpants. "Your other ones are too old," she had explained.

Bill and Fleur gave him a razor similar to the one he had received from them last year, and for about half an hour, all of the Weasleys gave Harry his presents, except Ginny. While Harry was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a full glass of pumpkin juice, Ginny came over with a small box, dropped it onto the table, and ran upstairs. Harry was curious about what was in the box, so he opened it. As soon as he did, he made sure that nobody else would see it. "Clever, Ginny, very clever," he muttered under his breath, walking up the stairs. (Camille thought that this was a condom, due to the sex)

Ginny was sitting in her room reading a magazine when there came a knock at the door. She didn't answer it, but in popped Harry. "Ginny," he said, "You are so interesting." She laughed. "I mean really, a coupon that reads, _you are entitled to one snog-session with Ginny Weasley_!" (*Phew*)

"I'm feeling adventurous today…" she shrugged, motioning for him to sit down next to her.

He did, and they lay down in Ginny's poster-bed right after she made sure that the door was locked so nobody could come in. So, they talked, and snogged, and talked some more, and again, snogged, until it was time for dinner. Neither of them had told Mr. or Mrs. Weasley where they were going to be, so as soon as they heard Mrs. Weasley shouting, "Harry! Ginny! Where are you?" they sat up in bed. By that time, they had both stripped off all of their clothes, (I should've known there was sex involved) and had apparently spent the whole afternoon in Ginny's bed. "Quick," cried Harry, "let's get dressed before they find us!"

So, they both scrambled out of bed and raced around the room to try and find their clothes that they had thrown on the floor some number of hours ago. As soon as Ginny had found her clothes, they heard Mrs. Weasley coming up the stairs. Ginny was racing to button up her shirt, but Harry had only found his socks and underpants. "Hide in the closet!" Ginny whispered to him.

So, he dashed to the closet just as Ginny finished buttoning her shirt. She could hear her mother at the door, so she quickly unlocked it just as Mrs. Weasley turned the doorknob. "Ginny!" she exclaimed. "What have you been doing up here all this time?"

"Oh, not much, just, er, writing a few short stories."

"I didn't know you wrote stories!"

"Oh, yeah!" replied Ginny. "Loads…"

Just then, Ron came into the room. "Ginny," he said, "we've been worried sick!"

All of a sudden, there came a sudden sneeze from the closet. Ron's eyes got very wide. "Oh, you better not have…" he trailed off.

Ginny just sat there on the bed, her head in her hands thinking, _I'm dead. I'm_ so_ dead…._

Mrs. Weasley opened up the closet doors and there was Harry, glasses askew, hair ruffled, and stripped down to his underpants. The only thing heard after his sneeze was Mrs. Weasley's scream.

"GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY!"

Ginny muttered something unintelligible, flushing scarlet, her face still in her hands.

"My own DAUGHTER, too!" She looked around frantically, apparently at a loss for what to do with herself. "Ginny—you…you…you…outside! NOW!" she sputtered, too livid for words. Ginny hurried swiftly out of the room, still blushing furiously, leaving Harry naked in the closet for Ron to yell at him.

As soon as his mother was out of earshot, Ron shrieked, "HARRY!" Harry gathered his clothes off the floor and began to dress himself.

"Sorry, Ron," he muttered.

"She's my _sister_, Harry, my BABY SISTER!"

Harry finished dressing. "Well, gee, Ron, you're one to talk," he said hotly, glowering at his best friend.

"_That's not the point_," Ron seethed.

"Then what _is_ Ron? Don't you _want_ nieces and nephews? Ginny and I are both adults now, as much as you'd hate to admit it. I'm eighteen, and she will be of age in a matter of months. We're both pretty much of age, and it's the practical time for starting families. Maybe not now…but in a few years."

Ron just stared at him, incredulous. "I cannot believe _you're_ making _me_ into the bad guy here… when you were…yeah…with her!" (YES RON, THEY DID IT)

Harry looked at Ron, who was breathing hard. "Are you done?" He asked calmly, after a few minutes.

"No, I'm not DONE! You know, that's really not normal! Most people don't start families until they're in their twenties. Bill was 27 when he married Fleur, and Fleur was 20. Mom was 20 when she gave birth to Bill. You notice a trend here? They're all older than you are now."

Harry glared. "Whatever," he mumbled, and stalked out of the room. ("I'll just do it with Ginny anyhoo")

That night, dinner was silent and awkward. Harry had never had a worse dinner with the Weasleys before. For the rest of the night, Mrs. Weasley didn't say anything to him, which was almost worse than if she had yelled at him.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry was so fed up with Ron that evening that he couldn't even stand to sleep in the same room. So, he dragged some blankets out into the hallway, down the stairs, and into the grassy backyard. "Well," he said, "looks like I'm camping under the stars tonight. All alone…"

"Not quite alone," said a familiar voice from a window on the top floor.

Harry looked up, startled to see Ginny, in her pajamas, staring at him out the open window. "I'll be right down."

Then, she left her post at the window. "But…Ginny—'' stuttered Harry.

It was too late. Ginny was already at the front door with her sleeping bag and two pillows. "I thought you might need one," she said shyly. "And, look, I'm really sorry about what happened today. It was my fault," she said sitting down on the grass, "and now mum doesn't want me to—''

But she was cut off by a kiss delivered by Harry. "Hey," he said, toying with her long, red hair, "it doesn't matter."

Ginny smiled, and they fell asleep in the grass, peacefully, right next to each other.

"MUUUUUUUUUUUM!"

Ron's cry shattered the Weasleys' ears at the crack of dawn.

"Ronald Billius Weasley!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What is the meaning of this? It's nearly morning!"

Ron was pale and wide-eyed as he trudged into Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's room. "Ron, sweetie, what is it?" said Mrs. Weasley.

"You p-probably don't want t-to know…" stuttered Ron.

"Well," said Mrs. Weasley. "I better go and make sure everyone is okay."

After Mrs. Weasley had checked some of the rooms, she recited, "George is asleep, Bill is with Fleur at Shell Cottage, Charlie is in Romania, Fred is… ugh! Percy is at work, and Ron is right here. Hermione is probably still sleeping. Ron, have you seen Harry?"

"Um…"

"Come on Ronald! Spit it out!"

"Uh…er…you see…"

"Oh, that's right!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "I forgot to check on Ginny."

She crept over to Ginny's room, opened the door, and nearly screamed when she saw what was there: an empty bed.

"Oh my," said Mrs. Weasley. "Ginny is missing. Harry is missing. That means…" she trailed off. "Oh, not AGAIN!"

And so, the search began. Mr. Weasley was still asleep after all of the searching, so Mrs. Weasley woke him up to help search. "What about food?" he asked groggily. "A man's got to eat!"

"Pish posh! We'll eat once we find Ginny!"

After a half an hour of searching, it was around seven thirty in the morning. Harry and Ginny were still sleeping peacefully in the yard. The Weasleys didn't think to check in the yard. So, Mrs. Weasley came to a conclusion. "Well," she said, tears welling up in her eyes, "they must've run away!"

"Huh?" said Ron. "Oh no, they—"

"What is everyone talking about?" said Hermione, still in her pajamas, emerging from Ron's room and stomping down the stairs.

"Oh, nothing," said Mr. Weasley. "Just the fact that Harry and Ginny have run away."

"No," explained Ron, "I said they—"

"Wait a second," said Mrs. Weasley. "Hermione, why were _you _in_ Ron's _room?"

"He…he…" started Hermione. "Yeah, er, funny story about that. You see…"

"RONALD WEASLEY!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "I can't believe it! You and Hermione were _sleeping_ together?"

"Gees, second time and we're already caught in the act," whispered Ron to Hermione. But, apparently Mrs. Weasley heard.

"_SECOND TIME!_" (yes, Molly they DID it Before)

"Run!" shouted Hermione, who dashed out the front door, then gasped.

She came back inside looking a bit pale. "I know exactly what you saw," said Ron.

"What is going on here?" said Mrs. Weasley, trying to sound calm.

She walked out the open front door and then screamed. Ron snickered. Ginny heard the scream and started to rouse. "Harry," she shook him. He began to stir. "Harry, dear, wake up."

"I'm up, I'm up," he said, his glasses askew. He yawned a gargantuan yawn.

"Maybe this will help," said Ginny, delivering a big, unexpected kiss, forcing Harry to the ground.

Mrs. Weasley coughed. As soon as she did, Harry and Ginny flew apart. Ginny slowly looked up to see her angry mother standing over her, tapping her foot. "Well, _this _doesn't look good, does it?" said Ginny.

"I am afraid _not_, Ginevra," said Mrs. Weasley, her voice cracking. "Inside at one. Same goes for you, Harry!"

Ginny and Harry sheepishly dragged all their things inside in complete silence, apparently ashamed of how they had upset Mrs. Weasley. Once they were seated on the sofa in the living room, Mrs. Weasley began to lecture them. Harry was surprised; he had expected her to yell at the both of them.

"Ginevra Weasley. You aren't even seventeen. Barely of age. You are too young to be sleeping around with... _him_! You cannot run around doing all these crazy things just because you're almost of age and Voldemort's gone. That doesn't mean everything is all fine and dandy."

Ginny didn't meet her mother's gaze. "Yes ma'am," she said obediently.

"And Harry," Mrs. Weasley continued. "I expected better from you. Yes, you defeated Voldemort. But you still have normal human responsibilities. You can't go around acting like an animal all the time."

Like Ginny, Harry didn't look at Mrs. Weasley's eyes, but instead addressed his knees. "Sorry, Mrs. Weasley."

Ron had been snickering in random places throughout the lecture, clearly enjoying himself, while Hermione had been scolding at him from behind her upside-down book she was pretending to read. Fortunately for them, Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to remember how Hermione had stumbled out of Ron's room earlier that morning. Ron was clearly expressing his amusement after Mrs. Weasley had left the room. Hermione told him he shouldn't push his luck. Mrs. Weasley was not nearly finished. She came back and resumed her lecture, this time discussing the importance of abstinence. Eventually, Ron got bored and shut up. Harry and Ginny pretended to be listening intently, but their minds were on last night, in the sleeping bags.

At a point in the lecture in which Mrs. Weasley was particularly engrossed in, Ron decided he had had enough boredom. Discreetly, he led Hermione up the stairs and into his room. He sat on his bed, and she lay next to him. "I can't believe they got caught _again_," Ron mused. "How _dare_ he," he continued, his tone changing to a harsher, more severe attitude. Hermione rubbed his shoulder soothingly. "I know, but they're not doing much more than we are. Harry should be a little more sensitive to how it will affect everyone."

Ron could feel Hermione slowly moving closer to him, pulling his face to hers with her hands. She kissed him, and he could sense something different in the way she was doing it. She seemed…bolder. Ron kissed her back enthusiastically, and Hermione crushed her face harder against his. "Ron," she said, pulling back suddenly. "I love you," she said. Ron's eyes widened, and he stared at her rather blankly. Realization spread over his face, and he hesitated. Hermione felt rejected, but she knew Ron was just being himself. It would take him longer, a lot longer.

"Shhhh," she whispered. "Don't say a word." She moved in, and kissed him reassuringly. She felt something change. Ron was kissing her in a way that was unfamiliar to her, his lips moving in strange, unrealistic ways. He hadn't done this before, even in the other times they were doing it. "I love you, Hermione," he said fiercely. Hermione wrapped her arms around him, pulling him down on the bed. She began unbuttoning his shirt while kissing him simultaneously. He pulled away, and took off her shirt, and then her bra. She pulled off both their pant and underwear, and pulled him closer to her naked body. His hands traced the outline of her face: her lips, her cheek, her ear, then down her neck and shoulders. She was aware of his hands pressing on her hips, followed by her upper thigh. He hands returned to her waist, and she had hers near his face, one tangled in his hair, and one holding his chin to hers.

Ron kissed her harder, and rolled them both over on the bed, shifting positions. He brushed her hair out of her face, and she kissed him enthusiastically. His lips moved anxiously up her arm, her shoulder, and then her neck. Across her cheekbone, and finally reached her lips. He moved forward, moving one hand to the back of her head and leaving the other trailing subconsciously, savoring the length of her naked body. She smiled at him affectionately, and they resumed their kiss.

The sun shone brilliantly through the open window, the sound of the birds drifting in from outside. Ron sat up and yawned, and pulled Hermione awake. "Hey, Ron," she said, and smiled vaguely as she pulled back the sheets on the bed. She gathered her clothes off the floor and started to put them on. "How did you sleep?" Ron asked.

"Oh, alright," she replied, nodding. "How about you?"

Ron nodded just as he finished yawning. "Pretty good." She kissed him lightly on the cheek, and tiptoed carefully back to her and Ginny's room. Fortunately, it was too early for anyone to be up, and the Weasleys were heavy sleepers. She undressed in Ginny's room and put on new clothes.

She then went downstairs and fixed herself a bagel, humming cheerfully to herself. As she slowly ate her sesame seed and cream cheese bagel, she watched Mrs. Weasley's unique clock on the far wall. All of the hands were currently at "home." Suddenly, as if her looking at it was the magic in making it move, the hand marked "Bill" moved to "traveling." Then, to Hermione's great surprise, Bill, accompanied by Fleur, Apparated into the living room just as Ron was hurrying down the stairs. "Hey, Bill," he said casually. "Have you eaten?"

Bill nodded. "Yeah. Where's Mum?"

He seemed incredibly nervous, and Ron wondered what could have made him this way. Just then, Mrs. Weasley came down the stairs, dressed in a nightgown and slippers, followed by Mr. Weasley. "Hello, Bill, dear, can I get you anything?"

He shook his head. "No, thank you, Mum."

Mrs. Weasley started forward, and then stopped dead. "Why are you two up so early? And why just the both of you? Wait…where _were_ you last night?"

Hermione froze. "Well, you see, Mrs. Weasley, it's really hard to explain."

Mrs. Weasley simply stared back. "Why don't you try me?" she said in a harsh tone.

"Well, um…" began Hermione. "Uh…Ron and I…um…"

Mrs. Weasley looked furious. "YOU TWO! AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY! COULDN'T YOU HAVE LEARNED, RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, FROM YOUR SISTER'S MISTAKES?" Ron's ears went scarlet.

"Sorry, Mum," he muttered distractedly.

"WELL YOU THINK YOU CAN DISOBEY ME JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE _OF AGE_? YOU CAN'T! I AM YOUR MOTHER! YOU LIVE WITH ME! YOU FOLLOW MY RULES!"

She turned to Bill, and in a very sweet, mellifluous voice, said, "Now, honey, what are you here for?" Fleur looked pointedly at her feet. "Well um…this may not be the proper time…" His voice trailed off.

"Oh, no, dear, this is fine. What is it?"

Bill looked a bit uncomfortable. "Well, uh…Fleur's pregnant."

The three Weasleys, Fleur and Hermione watched as Mrs. Weasley's eyes went from inquiring curiosity to absolute horror. Her jaw dropped, and suddenly, she clutched her chest and fell to her knees.


	5. Chapter 5

Ron stared in disbelief at what his eldest brother had just told him, but he was more concerned about his mother, who had just fainted. "Oh, fudgemonkeys," he said, "what the _hell_ should we do?"

"I don't know, Ron, we shouldn't wake up anyone else, so I guess we'll just have to take her to St. Mungos. Mr. Weasley?"

It turns out that Mr. Weasley had also dropped to the ground. Ron knelt down and felt his heart. "He's fine. He should wake up in a few minutes." Then he turned to feel his mother's heart. "She won't! We should surely take her to St. Mungos. Let's floo there…"

So, Ron and Hermione left Bill and Fleur sitting on the couch as they dragged Mrs. Weasley into the fireplace and screamed, "St. Mungos!" They disappeared in a flash of bright green flames.

A few seconds later, they came tumbling out of the fireplace in the lobby of St. Mungo's Hospital. A pale nurse was walking by, when she noticed the threesome coughing on the floor. "Ah," she said, "the Weasleys. What can I do for you today."

"Uh," said Ron, "I don't know if you can help us, but I think my mum just had a heart attack."

"Really, Ron?" she asked. "Molly? Well, Merlin's pants, what's happened?"

"Bill told her that his wife was pregnant."

"Ah… Well, we'll get a stretcher and bring her up to a room and tend to her."

Ron and Hermione waited patiently as Mrs. Weasley was hoisted onto a stretcher, which nearly collapsed under the pressure of her weight. Then, they followed her up to her room and sat by her while she was resting and after her treatment was complete. "Merlin's pants…" said Hermione. "She was really upset. I wonder why? I mean, Bill is well over age. She was twenty when Bill was born. Bill is over twenty and now he is finally getting his chance to start a family. Ronald, are you listening?"

"Huh?" he replied. "Oh, sure! I did that loads of times!"

"Apparently not…" she trailed off. "Do you think they've told the Delacours yet?"

"Dunno," said Ron, "but just say, that, if, er, never mind." He turned red as an apple, and then continued. "Just say Harry got Ginny pregnant… Do you think mum would die of shock?"

"If it's after Bill's child is born, probably not," reassured Hermione.

Just then, Mrs. Weasley began to rouse. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Ron and Hermione sitting in chairs beside her bed. "Ron?" she said. "Hermione? What am I doing in St. Mungos? Oh, wait, I just had a horrible dream that Bill and Fleur told me that Fleur was pregnant."

Ron looked frightened. "Well, mum," he started, "it wasn't a dream. It's the truth. Fleur is pregnant."

Mrs. Weasley's eyes widened to their widest point and she fell back in her bed, but didn't go unconscious. She called Bill's name and instantly, he and Fleur appeared at Mrs. Weasley's bedside. She reached out to him and patted his shoulder. "Is it… true, sweetie?"

Apparently, Bill was too nervous to speak, so Fleur answered with a "Yes ma'am, eet eez true."

Mrs. Weasley replied, "Bill, I am a little disappointed, but, congratulations. You'll be a father. And to think… me… a grandmother! I'm getting so old!"

Ron and Hermione breathed a sigh of relief to see that Mrs. Weasley wasn't going to faint again or feed Bill to a Blast-ended Skrewt or some other violent magical creature. "I'm feeling much better now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Let's go home."

So, she grabbed Bill, Fleur, Ron, and Hermione, and disapparated. Meanwhile, Harry, Ginny, and George were sitting on the couch along with Mr. Weasley. They looked up at the clock, and four of the hands, Bill, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, and the newly added Fleur, moved to traveling, and in another split second, they appeared in the burrow.

"Mum!" cried Ginny, rushing towards her. "We were so worried. Dad told us everything he could remember. Bill, congratulations! A nephew for me!"

"Ah ah ah!" cried Bill. "Niece."

"Nephew."

"Niece."

"Boy."

"Girl."

"Boy."

"GIRL!"

"BOY!"

"GIRL!"

"SHUT UP!" cried Ron, who seemed irritated. "I am going to get something to eat."

"Never mind that," replied Hermione. "It's a bit past breakfast time anyway. Let's get cooking. Oh wait, I think there's some leftover bacon from yesterday. Ron would you mind—"

But Ron already had plates on the table, piled with bacon. "I used magic…" he said, making a karate chop motion.

"Ooh, I'm so scared," said Hermione, sarcastically.

"Give me a break," said Ron harshly.

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"Okay, listen, woman, you're pushing it too far! It's effin bacon!"

"Well, maybe, you should get a life! Magic doesn't solve everything!"

"Oh, so you're saying muggles have an advantage at life? Is that it?"

"Ronald, I GREW UP a muggle and I turned out just fine!"

"Except for this attitude of yours!"

"Look who's talking!"

"No, YOU'RE the one running your mouth!"

"OH MERLIN'S PANTS! THIS IS RIDICULOUS, RONALD!"

"No, you're ridiculous… so—"

"OH STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU! YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE MARRIED!" screamed a repulsed Ginny. "You have since your second year!"

Ron blushed and so did Hermione, who didn't really blush a lot until she started living at the burrow. She marched up to Ginny's room, obviously forgetting about breakfast. Ginny rolled her eyes at Ron, who had his mouth stuffed with bacon.

"GO UP THERE!" screamed Ginny.

"Why?" asked Ron, his mouth full of bacon.

"Did you READ_ Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_? Go apologize to her."

"I repeat," replied Ron, "why?"

Ginny scowled at him and started for the stairs to go and see Hermione, but Ron, realizing what Ginny had just said, bounded up the stairs and barged into Ginny's room to find a sniffing Hermione balled up in a corner. "Hermione," he started.

"Don't Ron. I don't want to get into another fight."

"What? Oh, yeah," he replied.

"You know, Ginny is right. We do act like we're married." She turned scarlet.

"Yeah." Ron looked around the room frantically for a way to distract him and Hermione. "Er, would you like to brush your teeth with me?"

Hermione looked at Ron in a strange way. "Why?" she asked.

"Er… because…"

So, Hermione dug around in her bag for a toothbrush and some toothpaste, which was cinnamon flavored. "Here, I have some chocolate toothpaste," said Ron.

"Chocolate… _toothpaste_?" asked Hermione, revolted.

"Yeah," replied Ron, "because it tastes all tingly…"

"Well," she said, "I think you're a tingly-headed freak."

Ron turned bright red. "Oh, yeah?" he said, taking the cap off of his toothpaste. "What are you going to do about this?" He squirted toothpaste onto Hermione.

"You arse," she replied, squirting toothpaste onto him.

About five seconds later, both of them were covered in toothpaste… and laughing. "Ronald Weasley, you are the most insensitive person I have ever known."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen!" He quickly covered his mouth with his sticky hands.

"Then kiss me!"

"Fine!"

Ron jumped onto Hermione, sending her onto the floor. They rolled around in their mess of toothpaste arguing and snogging at the same time… until Mrs. Weasley walked in.


	6. Chapter 6

"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!" Mrs. Weasley was furious. "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS?"

Ron's ears turned bright red, and Hermione had also gone scarlet. "But mum…we weren't…" His voice trailed off.

Mrs. Weasley's eyes just widened further. "You mean you were _before_?" Ron's ears turned even redder. Hermione groaned. _Why couldn't he just_ shut up_ about what they had and hadn't done?_

"Ronald Weasley, come — _ugh_! What _is_ this? _Toothpaste_? TOOTHPASTE? Toothpaste! You are snogging one another through toothpaste! And it's chocolate, too!"

"Hey," Ron said defensively. "That tastes good!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Not again," she moaned.

Mrs. Weasley made a revolted look and thrust the tube onto the floor. "Ronald, _come here_!"

Sheepishly, Ron followed her out of the room, leaving Hermione sitting there, hopeless, with chocolate and cinnamon flavors smeared throughout her face, clothes, and hair.

Hermione desperately tried to clean the toothpaste from her hair as she waited patiently for Ron to finish with his mother. She wondered vaguely how Mrs. Weasley would punish him this time. She sounded really angry. Could she possibly force them to move out? Hermione didn't think she would go _that_ far, but she couldn't be sure. But she didn't have to wait too long. Soon, Ron was back, and Mrs. Weasley returned to the kitchen to fix lunch for Bill and Fleur.

"What did she say?" Hermione asked her lover.

Ron simply stared at his knees. "Not much," he muttered softly.

Of all things, Hermione had not expected him to say this. _What could she have said that he didn't want her to know?_ Hermione replied by saying, "What is it? You can tell me."

Ron shrugged. "She just said she didn't want it to happen again. She sounded like she might make us move out if we did it too often."

Hermione nodded, knowing there was something else Ron didn't want to tell her. She decided to leave him alone, so she left the room and went downstairs to join the rest of the Weasleys for lunch.

Harry was sitting on the front step and talked with Ginny. They were musing about how often Ron and Hermione fought. "It's so annoying," Harry complained. Ginny laughed. "I know," she replied. "the next thing you know they'll be fighting about rubber duckies."

_Eight days earlier:_

"_HERMIONE, WHERE'S THE 'EFFIN SHAMPOO?" Ron called down to Hermione through the bathroom door. _

_Hermione hurried up the stairs. "It's…right — here, Ron." _

_She struggled her way through the messy bathroom sink they shared at the Burrow with four other people. She had to shove many irrelevant objects out of the way, such as moisturizer, sunscreen, and a small yellow rubber duckie._

"_What is _that_?" asked Ron, sounding revolted and pointing to the duck. _

"_That's a bath toy, Ron," Hermione told him matter-of-factly. _

"_Well, gee, _Hermione_, sorry I didn't know that," Ron snapped. "What is it doing here, anyway?" _

_Hermione stared at him. "How should I know, Ron? This is your house." _

_Ron looked shocked she would say such a thing. "How _dare_ you. Well rubber duckies are gay!" _

_Hermione was enraged. "Gay? Gay? Ronald Billius Weasley, must you think everything and everyone is gay?" _

_Ron glared at her. "I do NOT think everything is gay. But that particular bath toy_ is gay_." _

_Hermione's eyes flashed. "No, Ronald, it is not. Is it happy? No. Is it homosexual? No. So it is _not_ gay."_

_Ron laughed. "Just because it's not happy and it's not homosexual doesn't mean it's not gay!" Ron argued._

"_Uh, yeah it does, Ron."_

"_No, it doesn't."_

"_Does."_

"_Doesn't."_

"_Does."_

"_Doesn't."_

"_Does."_

"_SHUT UP!" Ron finally ended the argument by screaming at the top of his lungs before he stomped out of the house._

Pop! _The bubble wrap was loud and obnoxious._

Harry laughed at the absurd idea for a fight. "Yeah, they're not _quite_ that disagreeable."

"Or maybe Muggle clothes," Ginny added.

Harry suddenly thought of Dudley and what he could possibly be doing with his life now. Nothing worthwhile, that was certain. He laughed. "Ha! That would be fun to watch.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a few days since Ron and Hermione's toothpaste incident, but Harry thought it was unusual that they hadn't gotten into any fights. When he came down the stairs for some lunch, the Weasleys weren't at the table yet, but Ginny was sitting in a chair, staring into space. "Ginny?" said Harry.

Ginny jumped. "Harry," she whispered. "You scared me. Sorry, I was just thinking about how it is very strange how Ron and Hermione haven't gotten into any fights lately."

Just then, the front door swung open. It was Ron and Hermione. They had on straight faces and Ron marched over to the table while Hermione sat down on the couch in the living room. There was silence except for Ron gulping down his afternoon pumpkin juice, until Hermione broke the silence. "Ron," she began, "we need a mouse pad."

"What in the name of Merlin is a mouse pad?" he questioned.

"This ought to get interesting…" whispered Harry to Ginny. With a flick of his wand, a pile of candy appeared in Ginny's lap. She began to open a back of _Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans._

So, the argument continued. "Well, Ronald," said Hermione, "a mouse pad is a Muggle contraption, that you use to help control what controls a computer."

"What is a computer, Hermione?"

"It is an electronic device used to complete various tasks. For example, instead of sending mail by owl, Muggles would send mail through the Internet. It is a series of websites where people can interact without being in each other's presence."

"Oh… well… that's…"

"Don't you DARE Ronald! You are going to say that a mouse pad is gay or homosexual or lesbian or something like that."

"You're right."

"See, I'm always right."

"Not!"

"AM!"

"Well, you're so gay that you eat mouse pads!"

"Ronald, that doesn't make any sense!"

"Jeez, well, _you_ don't make any sense, Hermione!"

"Well, you know what, Ron? LIFE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE SOMETIMES!"

"Well you know what doesn't make sense?"

"WHAT?"

"THIS!"

He jumped on top of her, snogging her furiously, forcing her onto the door, but she stumbled backwards when the door swung open. Hermione tried to crawl away from Ron, but he kept on kissing her… until he realized that there was another presence in the room. It was Mrs. Weasley, arms full of brown paper bags. The bags cascaded out of her chubby arms and she moved like a sleepwalker over to the couch and sat down. Harry and Ginny tried to sneak out of where they were sitting at the table, but Mrs. Weasley saw them. "Stay!" she demanded. Then, she turned to Ron and Hermione. There was a fierce look in her eyes.

"WHAT DOES IT TAKE WITH YOU TWO? SNOGGING EVERY SINGLE SECOND!"

Ron and Hermione looked at the ground. They looked ashamed of themselves. Hermione looked at Ron. She had a wistful look in her eyes. As Mrs. Weasley was going on about marriage and children and life, Hermione slipped off her shoes and motioned for Ron to follow. Mrs. Weasley had left the door wide open on its hinges, so when she pranced over to the kitchen, Ron and Hermione, holding hands, made a mad dash for the door. As soon as Mrs. Weasley noticed, she started chasing after them.

But, Ron and Hermione were faster. As soon as they had gotten past the chicken coop, Harry and Ginny Apparated in front of them, blocking them from proceeding. "Ron," explained Harry, "stay calm. I'll work something out, okay?"

Ron had tears in his eyes for the first time in a while. He pulled Harry under a nearby willow tree. "Harry," he said, "you don't understand. I'm eighteen and next month, Hermione will be nineteen. I've never verbally told this to anyone but…" there was a slight pause, "…I really, _really_ love Hermione."

Harry stared at him. "Took you long enough to admit it. It's been obvious since our forth year at Hogwarts."

Ron turned scarlet just as Hermione walked over. "Hey guys," she said. "Ron, we need to stop arguing."

"That isn't going to work…" he muttered under his breath.

"Maybe not," Hermione continued, "but it seems like every time we argue, you jump on top of me. You can't do that anymore! You're mum is getting suspicious!"

"Suspicious?" he shouted. "SUSPICIOUS? ABOUT WHAT?" He took a deep breath. "It's not my fault that I'm in love with you."

Hermione smiled weakly as Ron blushed furiously. "Ron," she said softly, "you've never said that before. It was mostly just—"

"Snogging, yeah. Look, if you never want to see me again, then—"

But he was cut off, for Hermione seized him and kissed him lightly. "I'm glad, Ron," she said.

"R-really?" he asked, as if he was surprised.

"Of course."

Mrs. Weasley walked over just as they began kissing again. But, Hermione spotted Mrs. Weasley out of the corner of her eye and pushed Ron away. "We probably… uh… hello Mrs. Weasley."

"Hermione," she said, "I am so happy for you."

"Wha-?" said Ron, flabbergasted.

"And you!" she said, turning to Ron. "My little Ronnikins is growing up! Awww! How cute!"

"Mum," said Ron, trying to breath from underneath his mom's giant hug. "That's enough."

"I'm sorry Ron," said Mrs. Weasley, "but I need to admit the fact that my children are growing up! I can't hold them back any longer."

Hearing this, Ginny cleared her throat loudly and pointed to Harry, who shrugged and gave Mrs. Weasley a half-hearted smile. "Ginny," said Mrs. Weasley, "Harry isn't just any boy. This is the Boy-Who-Lived! He's just… too old for you."

"Well," argued Ginny, "maybe he wants to be the Boy-Who-_Lives_-With-Ginny-Weasley!"

"Well, for all I know, one night alone and, Ginny, you could end up like Fleur! Pregnant!"

"_Mum_," whined Ginny, "I'm _much _more careful than _that_!" She blushed.

"Still," replied Mrs. Weasley. "He's too old for you. You are allowed to see each other, but you may _not _even think about children."

"What about—"

"Or marriage!"

Mrs. Weasley stormed off into the house. Ron shrugged at Ginny and said, "She just doesn't want you to end up with seven kids. I know I wouldn't want _that_."


	8. Chapter 8

It had been about six months since Bill and Fleurs' big announcement that they were going to be parents in seven months. Now, that moment was coming up in just one short month. Mrs. Weasley was getting frantic. She apparated to Shell Cottage almost every five minutes to make sure that Fleur and the baby were alright. Fleur would always assure her, "Don't worry. We are perfectly fine."

It was a snowy Sunday in late-February when and Ron and Hermione weren't speaking to each other, for they had gotten into _another_ fight the other day.

_Previously:_

"_Ronald!" called Hermione. "Where is the floo powder? I need to talk to the ministry!"_

"_In the pot by the fireplace!" spat Ron._

_Hermione pranced into the room where Ron was sitting and was surprised to see that he was in nothing but his underwear… and covered in socks. "Ronald Weasley… what… Merlin's pants! What has happened?"_

"_Well," explained Ron, "I felt like it was a good time to create as much static electricity as possible."_

"_With SOCKS?"_

"_Yes," he replied, "do you have a problem with socks?"_

"_As a matter of fact, I do, Ronald. I just don't think it's very… _manly_… sitting in the living room half naked and covered in socks!"_

"_Would you like to join me?" he asked Hermione, half-teasing._

"_You git!" she replied, slapping him across the head with her bag._

"_You're welcome!" Ron cried, his eyes traveling around the room._

_Hermione picked up some floo powder from the pot by the fireplace, yelled, "Ministry of Magic!" and disappeared in hundreds of lime green flames._

Harry and Ginny were at the table, eating sandwiches that Mrs. Weasley had prepared for them, when there was the unmistakable sound of someone Apparating. All of a sudden, Bill and a very pregnant Fleur appeared in the Burrow. "Hello, everyone," said Bill. "Where's mum?"

"Upstairs," replied Hermione, glaring angrily at Ron.

Bill mentioned for Fleur to sit on the couch while he walked upstairs to find his mother, Molly Weasley, ironing some pants. "Hello, Mum," he said.

"Bill, darling," Mrs. Weasley replied. "Oh no, is the baby coming?"

"No, no, no, Mum, I just need to talk to you."

"Well, sit, Bill."

So, the two of them sat down on the bed as Bill began to speak. "Fleur is driving me _crazy_! How do you deal with a pregnant woman who will not stop bothering you?"

"Ask your father," said Mrs. Weasley. "_I_ always got on Arthur's nerves when I was pregnant with you."

"Thanks… I guess," said Bill. "Where is Dad?"

"The market," replied Mrs. Weasley.

Bill groaned and tramped down the stairs. "Bill," said Fleur, "can you believe the baby will be here in one month? We need a name…"

"Fleur," he replied, "we've gone over this. We can't think of any names."

"VICTORIA!" screamed Ron.

Hermione looked startled. "Who's Victoria?"

"You don't understand," replied Ron. "Bill and Fleur have been arguing for months over baby names and every day around lunch time, I scream out a random name."

"I like Victoria," said Fleur, "but it sounds too American. How about something French?"

Bill was about to object, but he knew there was no sense in arguing with a pregnant woman. "Sure, honey," he said to his wife. "It's February 22d, so we have plenty of time."

"Right," Fleur replied sarcastically, and looking at him with a very condescending face. "because she's only due in two weeks."

Bill rolled his eyes. "I _know_, Fleur."

Fleur glared at him furiously. "Whatever, _Bill_, but that really isn't a very long time."

"Uh-huh, sure it isn't," he muttered under his breath. Then he added hastily, "Don't worry, honey we'll be able to find a sufficient name in time."

Fleur was suddenly cheerful again. "Okay! I'll go research the name!" And she Disapparated from the Burrow.

Bill rolled his eyes at rest of them. "Wish me luck," He said, and followed Fleur.

At Shell Cottage, Fleur was sobbing on the fireplace and whimpering to herself. Bill found her there and went over in attempts to comfort his wife.

"Bill! Bill!" Fleur cried frantically as she hurried awkwardly down the stairs. "BILL! Quick!"

Startled, Bill rushed to the landing dressed in only boxer shorts.

Fleur did not approve. "Bill, we have to go to the hospital! NOW!"

"Okay, okay," Bill said defensively, absolutely terrified of his shrieking frantic wife. He glanced around in a panic for something he could wear over his chest. Finally, he seized the peach-colored window tapestry and guided his screaming wife into Disapparation.

At St. Mungo's, Bill led Fleur carefully to the front desk. Fleur looked down at her stomach, then at the receptionist, then at her stomach again. "Oh emm gee," she said. "I'm in labor."

It wasn't until Bill was seated in the hospital room that he noticed the window treatment that was now draped around his upper body like a cloak. He noticed its pattern, and groaned loudly. It was mostly peach and beige, with undertones of bright pink. It was a ridiculous floral pattern that Bill had never wanted in his own home, but Fleur had. He had not intended to make it into a shirt, and was humiliated and ashamed to be wearing it in public the day of his first child's birth. On the bright side, it complimented his royal blue and fire truck red plaid boxers very nicely.

Fleur noticed he was examining himself, and looked him over. She glared at him. "Bill, you look _ridiculous_!"

Bill fidgeted with his overgrown fingernails and looked at his knees. "I know. I'm sorry."

When he looked up, Bill was surprised to find Fleur not angry but confused. "Bill, that's the most hideous piece of trash I have seen in my life. Where did you get that?"

Bill cocked his head at his apparently amnesic and possibly insane wife. "This is the tapestry in our living room." He braced himself for the explosion, but she only scrutinized the "hideous" cloth.

"Yeah," she decided. "I guess I was. I don't know why, though; it's disgusting. We'll have to get a new one."

Bill breathed a sigh of relief. He wouldn't be executed for ripping his wife's curtains today.

Healers arrived, and Fleur was in labor. Molly, Arthur, Charlie, Percy, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Hermione had all arrived and had filed into the room, accompanied by Monsieur and Madame Delacour, and their daughter Gabrielle.

Mrs. Weasley, Bill was startled but unsurprised to see, appeared to be hyperventilating. She carried a brown paper bag, which she was holding to her mouth and breathing very heavily through it.

"Bill, oh Bill!" she cried, and hugged him demandingly, her voice breaking into sobs as she did so.

Bill patted his mother awkwardly on the shoulder as she sobbed into his shirt. "Uh, it's okay, Mum…"

Suddenly, Fleur began breathing very fast and yelling for attention. "Bill!"

Bill abandoned his mother and rushed over to his wife to hold her hand.

Nurses soon surrounded Fleur, and, lucky for her, labor was very short.

After a long two hours, a baby girl began to emerge.

The Weasley and Delacour families were all still crowded in the little tiny room. Everyone except Mrs. Weasley rushed forward and watched the beautiful baby. Fleur was holding the newborn in her arms and looking at her in awe. She glanced at Bill. "She's beautiful," she told him.

Bill, too, had been staring at his daughter in awe.

"VICTOIRE!" Ron cried.

Hermione jumped in alarm beside him. "How did you know that was even a name, Ronald?" she questioned.

"I was skimming through a name book I found on the counter," Ron replied, seemingly boasting about his cleverness.

Fleur's eyes brightened. "I love it! Her name is Victoire!" she declared. "It means 'victory' in French. Besides, it is our first child, so it is a large victory." After a second, she glanced at Bill for approval.

Bill shrugged, and scrutinized his daughter. "Alright. I like it."

Meanwhile, Molly Weasley, who was still standing in the back of the room, had gone pale and had been staring blankly at her grandchild ever since her birth. She now gave a small sigh and fell to the floor, unconscious.


	9. Chapter 9

"Mum," said Ron, running over to her, "are you alright?"

"Mrs. Weasley?" said Harry and Hermione in unison, coming to help Ron with his unconscious mother.

Everyone expect for Fleur and Victoire gathered around Mrs. Weasley, who, after a few seconds, began to stir. She groggily stood up and said, "Wh-where am I?"

"You're in the hospital Mum," said Ron. "You fainted."

"Am I alright? Am I dead?" asked Mrs. Weasley, her eyes darting around, taking in her surroundings.

"You're not dead," said Hermione. "You're here because Fleur just had her baby!"

"Oh," said a startled and confused Mrs. Weasley. "Oh, yes, now I remember. Victoire am I right? Yes, my first grandchild. Merlin, it's actually a girl! The first Weasley girl in generations!"

Ginny coughed loudly and Harry said very loudly, "SECOND Weasley girl in generations."

"Oh, yes, right," said Mrs. Weasley. "Sorry, I'm a bit discombobulated at the moment. Just, give me a second to take everything in."

Meanwhile, Hermione was hanging over the baby, while Fleur was saying, "Stop, Hermione. Are you trying to keel eet?"

Hermione jumped back and muttered to Ron, "You know, I hope she's more like Bill and less like Phlegm."

Ron chuckled, his ears turning red as he did so. "What's so funny?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"NOTHING!" screeched Ron and Hermione, along with Ginny, who had apparently heard.

Mrs. Weasley still looked suspicious. She was ooh-ing and aah-ing over little Victoire, so she didn't notice when Ginny grasped Harry's hand and pulled him into the hallway. "So," she said, glancing down. "We have a bit of a situation here."

"What do you mean, Gin?" asked Harry, gazing into her warm, chocolate eyes.

"_That's_ exactly what I mean, Harry!" She said, crossing her arms. "I want to go out with you and you want to go out with me, and— wait… you still want to go out with me, right?"

"Of course, Ginny! What do you think I am, crazy?"

"No, but my mum doesn't want us together. Now, why do you think that is? I mean, you're smart, funny, and you defeated the Dark Lord. I couldn't want anything more, and I can't imagine why my mum won't let us see each other!"

"You know what," said Harry, "we just need to convince her that nothing strange would happen if we were to see each other. We'll just act like we are together, but we won't snog nonstop like Ron and Hermione, and we won't do anything weird. That way, she'll know we're trustworthy and approve of our relationship!"

"Great plan, Harry!" said Ginny. "Let's go back inside. Oh, and we are _officially_ together now, correct?"

Instead of answering, Harry swept her off her feet with a kiss. "I'll take that as a definite yes," said Ginny, smiling.

Harry and Ginny stepped through the door… and into a war zone. Ron and Hermione had started another fight about the stupidest thing: bananas. There was a half-eaten banana on Fleur's tray of food that she had received. Everyone in the room was watching in awe at how two people could argue over something as stupid as a banana.

"Ronald Weasley, bananas are perfectly healthy for you to eat!"

"It's not even MY BANANA! IT'S PHLEGM'S BANANA!"

"WELL PHLEGM IS IN THE ROOM, SO I WOULDN'T WANT TO SAY PHLEGM WHEN PHLEGM IS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE!"

"Well," said Ron, trying to calm down, "if you fry bananas and cover them in chocolate, they can be very fattening."

"AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?" screamed Hermione. "DID YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN BECOME A GENIUS? FIRST OF ALL, THAT IS GROSS! SECOND OF ALL, IT IS A REGULAR BLOODY BANANA, FOR MERLIN'S SAKE! A BLOODY BANANA!"

"Well," said Ron, picking up Fleur's banana, "THIS BANANA IS TOAST!"

"NO IT IS NOT, RONALD!" screamed Hermione. "IT IS A BANANA NOT TOAST! IT—"

She was cut off, for Ron squeezed the banana so hard, it came flying out of it's peel… and landed on Hermione's face. She was boiling mad, but she was blushing at the same time. She angrily wiped banana off of her face and took out her wand. "RONALD WEASLEY!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "YOU DISGUST ME!"

The next thing that happened wasn't hard to believe. Ron's eyebrows shriveled up and disappeared. Hermione smirked at him in satisfaction. Then, she said, "That's what it feels like to have your eyebrows hexed off!"

She turned and marched out of the room, pawing at her sticky hair. Ron could hear her mutter, "This is going to take _weeks_ to wash out!"

After a few moments of silence, Victoire began to cry, but Harry and Ginny's faces screwed up and exploded with laughter. Bill and Fleur tried to comfort Victoire, but it was no use. Finally, Bill, screamed, "SHUT UP!" which caused Victoire to cry even more.

"Women," Ron muttered.

Mrs. Weasley looked very cross. It took her a minute to get her message through to Ron. "Alright, I'm going, I'm going."

He tramped out of the room. A conversation was struck up between everyone in the room, and after Ron and Hermione had worked everything out, the Weasleys, except for Bill, Fleur, and Victoire, decided to head home. "See you in two days!" cried Mrs. Weasley.

"Remember, Harry," Ginny whispered, "we are still going out, but nothing crazy or suspicious. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. Starting… now!"

They had Disapparated with the rest of the Weasleys in a flash.


	10. Chapter 10

Back at the Burrow, Ron was in the kitchen eating a sandwich when Hermione walked in, sat down next to him while talking to Ginny.

"Wait, so you and Harry are officially going out now?" Hermione was saying.

"Yes," Ginny answered.

"Does your Mum know—?"

Ron, who was still bitter from his fight with Hermione during which he had his eyebrows hexed off, said, "Shut up, Hermione; you're contaminating my air."

Hermione turned to Ron with the most condescending look any of the Weasleys had ever seen. She took out her wand and sprayed pumpkin juice all over his genital area.

"AAAAWWWWWW, IT BURNS!" Ron screamed.

Hermione just smiled in satisfaction and continued to spray.

Ginny leaned over and whispered in Hermione's ear. "You know, that could permanently damage his…uh…'manly firmness' such that he and you wouldn't be able to….anymore."

Hermione stopped spraying immediately and dashed up the stairs. Ginny didn't want to see what damage that had done, so she followed Hermione, muttering as she went, "_That_ was awkward."

Just as Ginny was about to go into her (and Hermione's, at the time) room, she passed her mother, who said, "Ginny, I appreciate it greatly."

"What?" asked Ginny.

"You are not seeing Harry anymore."

Ginny's eyes widened and she continued walking into Hermione's room. Unfortunately, right in front of Mrs. Weasley, Harry popped out of a bedroom and began to snog Ginny senselessly.

"GINEVRA WEASLEY!" screamed Mrs. Weasley.

Harry and Ginny pulled apart immediately. They glanced at each other and smiled. Then, they looked at Mrs. Weasley, who looked like she was about to explode. Harry and Ginny smiled again, and then screamed, "See ya!" at the same time and ran for it. They ran into Ginny's room, where she screamed "Reducto!" breaking the window.

They both jumped out of the window falling rapidly towards the ground. Harry yelled, "Accio Firebolt!" which was in the Quidditch shed, and he and Ginny landed perfectly onto the broom, Harry in front and Ginny in the back.

When Harry saw Mrs. Weasley running out the door and into the front yard, he jerked back and they landed. "Harry," said Ginny, "what are you doing?"

"Landing," said Harry, jumping off of the broom.

Ginny jumped off as well, and the broom toppled to the ground, unharmed. Mrs. Weasley ran towards Harry and Ginny. She took each one of them by the arms and dragged them inside onto the couch. "Ron," she said, "go upstairs with Hermione. These two need to have a little chat with me."

Ron sniggered and then ran upstairs. Harry and Ginny turned to face Mrs. Weasley and prepared for the worst. "WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING?" bellowed Mrs. Weasley at the top of her lungs.

Harry and Ginny stayed silent. "Harry," she continued, "you will be nineteen in July and Ginny will be eighteen in August. I have one question. Why do you do this?"

Harry didn't speak, but Ginny murmured, "Because, Mum."

"Because, why?" asked Mrs. Weasley, placing her hands on her hips.

"Because," said Harry. "Because… Because… Because…" He could not seem to say the last few words.

"Because we love each other," said Ginny, very, very quickly.

Mrs. Weasley's expression softened. "I will have to question you separately."

Harry yelped a bit, and then nearly ran out of the room. "Ginny," said Mrs. Weasley, "do you intend on marrying Harry?"

"I… I don't know. Well, not now, but… I guess, eventually, if… well… it's really his choice," stuttered Ginny.

"And do you intend on getting pregnant?"

"Mum, not _now_, but that kind of depends on the first question."

"JUST ANSWER THE BLOODY QUESTION!"

"Okay, okay, yes, I guess."

Mrs. Weasley walked over to Harry, who was in the kitchen, dragged him onto the couch and sat him down next to Ginny, who smiled slightly. "Now," said Mrs. Weasley, "you two really love each other? And you don't intend to split up anytime soon?"

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley," said Harry.

"Well," said Mrs. Weasley, mulling it over, "Alright, you have my permission. Just be careful. I guess I just don't want to see my little girl grow up so fast!"

"Mrs. Weasley, are you alright?" asked Harry.

"I'm fine, Harry, dear." She stopped to stare at him. Her gaze went to his waist and then to his face. "You're a bit peaky dear, but it isn't dinner time yet."

She simply walked away, wiping her eyes with a hankie. "What would I do without your mum filling me up, Ginny?" said Harry, playfully.

"I have no idea. I guess I'd just have to feed you then," replied Ginny, playing with her hair.

"Ginny, I love your hair. It reminds me of…" he trailed off.

"Your mum," said Ginny. "I'm sorry."

"Do you know what's weird, Gin?"

"What, Harry?"

"Look at this." He went to his and Ron's room and came down with two pictures, which were, of course, moving about. One was of his mom and his dad, smiling and hugging. The other one was of him and Ginny in the same position. Ginny gently traced her hands over the pictures. "Oh my god," said Ginny. "You can't even tell us apart!"

"I know," said Harry. "It's just weird, like someone set this all up to happen."

"It wasn't set up, Harry," said Ginny. "Remember when we first met at King's Cross Station? I was the little girl screaming 'Look Mum, it's _Harry Potter!_' and you were the boy who completely ignored me. We chose to end up this way. If you had run into another wizarding family, things would be completely different."

"I'm sorry," said Harry, hanging his head.

"For what?" Ginny asked, smiling slightly.

"For ignoring you when we were kids. Except in the second year—you're first. I was saying, 'Ginny, don't die'. I know you couldn't hear it, but—"

He was cut off by a kiss. Just as they began to recline on the couch and deepen the kiss, Ron entered the room, obviously sour from the banana fight with Hermione. In a few hours, everything would be fine and they would be snogging in Ron's room. Ron snuck up behind Harry and Ginny and pulled them apart, looking cross.

"Ron, what the _bloody_ hell was that for?" screamed Ginny, obviously angry.

"Seriously, mate, why do you always keep interrupting us?"

Ron's ears were beginning to turn red. "Because, I just don't want to see my baby sister getting hurt."

"Ron, I would never do anything to hurt Ginny and you know that," said Harry, standing up.

"Are you sure about that?" replied Ron. "You just wait four years and see what happens. I bet you'll have, like, twenty kids!"

"You just don't want me to have them first because I can tell that you are just _dying_ to get Hermione pregnant twenty bajillion times before Harry does that to me," said Ginny, laughing.

Ron snorted and walked out of the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Hermione was stifling sobs on her bed in Ginny's room. She had been thinking a lot about her fight with Ron lately. She hated when they were fighting, which admittedly was more than half the time. Ron was just _so_ stubborn, and she always had to prove her point. She _was_ always right, after all. "There you go again," said Ron's voice in Hermione's head. "You always have to think you know everything, don't you?"

Hermione shook her head and pressed her head into her pillow, crying harder. Most of this was her fault, wasn't it? She wished she could go apologize to Ron, but she knew he was much too angry at her. As her sobs became louder, Hermione had to suppress a wail so she didn't attract too much attention to herself.

Apparently, it was a bit late for that. There were footsteps out in the hall. Hermione, however, was much too busy bawling to know or care. There was an apparent hesitation in the footsteps before Ron entered the room.

Ron wasn't sure what his face looked like when Hermione saw him. It may have looked cross, because Hermione looked up, sniffed, then began to wail. Ron took a deep breath and walked over to her, patting her very awkwardly on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, Hermione," Ron said, his voice rich with guilt and shame. Hermione was weeping so hard she couldn't speak. Ron sat on the bed next to her and pulled her into a hug. Hermione's sobs subsided somewhat and she gave him a very wet kiss. After a few seconds, they pulled apart because Hermione had begun crying again.

Ron took her face in his hands until she stopped crying. "Hermione," he said. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm too stubborn, I know. Remember that whenever we fight it's always my fault, okay? Always."

Hermione looked confused. "Oh," she said "Okay."

Ron apparently had a sudden boost of energy because he began furiously snogging his lover. They moved to a horizontal position and stayed consistent for what felt like days.

After about five hours of snogging and other interactions, Hermione pulled away and said to Ron with authority, "Ronald, we need Christmas cards."

Ron stared at her for a full minute with the same puzzled expression. "What the bloody hell is a Christmas card?" he asked finally.

"A Christmas card, Ronald Bilius Weasley, is a card that muggles or groups of muggles, such as families, give to their friends and relatives around Christmas time. They normally say something nice inside, such as 'Happy Christmas,' or whatever you want."

Ron was still confused. "But…it's February…"

"Yes, but normally, Ronald, people do them in advance."

"_This_ advance?"

"Yes, Ronald, this advance."

"Well," Ron challenged, "We're not muggles, so why would we do that?"

"Do you have a problem with people trying new things?" Hermione asked defensively.

"Well, no, but…this is gay!" Ron proclaimed.

Hermione did something Ron didn't expect; she began to cry again.

Ron stared guiltily at his hands. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I—"

Hermione didn't want to hear the rest of what he had to say. She began screaming at him through her sobs. "RONALD! LEAVE! NOW! GET OUT!"

Ron looked fearfully at his naked body.

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT; LEAVE!"

"But…my clothes—" Ron protested.

But Hermione was beyond angry, though she wasn't quite sure why. "WELL TAKE THE SOCKS IF YOU LIKE THEM SO MUCH," she bellowed, shoving him permanently out the door followed by her splintering sock drawer.

Ron was incredibly confused; Hermione had never really blown up quite like that before, at least not that he remembered. It was normally a lot more gradual, and over something just a bit more significant.

If there was one thing he knew, however, it was that he would not be going back in there any time soon. So, he covered himself in Hermione's socks at random and hurried downstairs for a snack.

Ginny saw him first. She and Harry were talking with one another in the living room. "Ron, you look _ridiculous_!"

Ron simply nodded in agreement and fixed himself a sandwich. Harry and Ginny went over to talk to him and got caught up examining the variety of socks all over his body. Harry found a rather inappropriate sock, which was x-rated. "Let me guess, Hermione?"

"Yeah, she told me to leave and wear socks instead of my clothes…"

"Which…" said Ginny, "you obviously took off because… I think we all know why!"

Ron glared at Ginny. "And don't pretend that you and Harry don't… do it… all the time!" he shouted.

"Not as much as you do!" retorted Ginny.

Ron began mocking her as Hermione came downstairs. "Ron," she said, approaching him, "I'm sorry. I just get a bit freaked out sometimes because I feel the need to be right about everything. Friends?"

"Friends?" screeched Ron. "_Friends_?"

"What I meant was…is everything okay between us?"

"Yeah, Hermione," said Ron, hugging her. They proceeded into the kitchen where Hermione drank some pumpkin juice and Ron just ate another sandwich.

"Geez," said Harry, "they are the most dramatic couple I have ever seen."

"Yeah," said Ginny, speaking very loudly. "When's the wedding?"

There was the unmistakable sound of someone spitting juice out of their mouth and then a loud, "WHAT?"

Harry and Ginny glanced at each other, muttered, "Ron," and then started laughing hysterically.

"WHEN IS THE WEDDING?" screamed Ron, running out of the kitchen, pumpkin juice dripping down his chin. "VERY FUNNY, GINNY! HILARIOUS! I OUGHTA—"

Hermione cut him off with a kiss. After a few seconds, they broke apart and Ron began to yell again. Hermione slapped a hand to his mouth and said, "Save it, Ronald. It could happen you know."

She winked at him and walked upstairs. Ron mouthed 'Merlin' at Harry and Ginny who were still laughing and then rushed upstairs after Hermione.

Upstairs, Ron had finally caught up with Hermione and began snogging her like there was no tomorrow. Mrs. Weasley was walking down the hallway with her belt of cleaning materials, when she heard a great deal of noise coming from Ginny and Hermione's room. "Great," she muttered to herself. "What could it be now?"

She pushed open the door, expecting to find her garden gnomes, who had been acting up lately, causing the noise. She gasped at the sight she saw. Ron and Hermione were rolling around on the floor, snogging while on top of each other. "I thought this would never happen," she muttered to herself, while walking over to the couple. "Now, this is why I'm not sure about you two."

Ron and Hermione broke apart and looked up. They were blushing like crazy. Ron looked like he was about to explode. He shrugged while Hermione quietly said, "Hello Mrs. Weasley… would you like some tea?"

Ron nudged her. "I thought you were the smart one," he said.

"Honestly, Ronald, I am the smart one. I got twelve owls. Oh my god…." Hermione trailed off. "It's February 24th, isn't it?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Ron.

"Oh yes, Ronnikins," said Mrs. Weasley. "You're eighteenth birthday is coming up!"

"Well, I'm already eighteen," said Hermione.

"Stop bragging," said Ron, hitting her in the arm.

"Ronald, that hurt!" she said.

Uh-oh. He knew that if she was already calling him 'Ronald' things were getting rough. "Well, I wasn't paying attention because…" he looked around the room for an excuse, "… this wallpaper is too bland."

"I didn't even know the word 'bland' was in your vocabulary, Ronald. This wallpaper is fine. Your mother picked it out, so if you insult the wallpaper, then you are indirectly insulting your mother!"

"You can't insult the wallpaper!" shouted Ron. "It's an inanimate object! How can you insult something as stupid as wallpaper?"

"Well, Ronald," said Hermione, as Mrs. Weasley watched in awe, "If there was no such thing as wallpaper, we would have to use mostly paint, which pollutes our environment. Either that or the walls would be bland."

"THAT," shouted Ron, "IS WHAT I WAS SAYING IN THE FIRST PLACE! THIS WALLPAPER IS TOO BLOODY BLAND!"

"Well Ron, I think that you shouldn't judge wallpaper by its appearance. Have you ever heard of the Muggle saying, 'Don't judge a bloody book by its bloody cover'? Except there's not as many 'bloodies' but I'M JUST SAYING 'BLOODY' BECAUSE I'M BLOODY MAD AT BLOODY YOU!"

"Well that's a typical Brit, cursing with 'bloody' every day! Geez, Hermione, you're mental!"

"Well Ron, if you're insulting me saying I'm a Brit, you're basically insulting yourself as well. Indirectly, of course. Oh wait, you're a Brit too! I didn't think you knew that! Of course you didn't because… let me think… you're an idiot! A bloody idiot!"

"Hermione, just shut it already, we know that we are compatible, so why are we even arguing! We know that we're going to end up together, so JUST SHUT IT!"

"Ronald, that was an if-then, statement! Can't you tell something fake from what's logically realistic! Yes, I agree with you that we are compatible, but if you decide that you don't enjoy arguing with me, then you might go off and argue with…lets say…LAVENDAR BROWN and then you'll be snogging all over the place like fish out of water, so then I'll end up with the 'Bulgarian Bon-bon' Victor Krum, according to Rita Skeeter, who we never even really liked!

"If Harry and Ginny get married, and then we do, Rita will be writing all of these crude and false articles about all of us that she would practically be our own personal _stalker_ for Merlin's sake. Ronald, just be quiet and let me finish my speech. The point is, this wallpaper is not too bland. It may be, but your own mother picked it out and the second main point is that it is extremely rude to insult someone indirectly, even if you have been insulting him or her for eighteen bloody years! I DON'T BLOODY CARE!"

Ron was staring at Hermione, who had obviously gone up in flames. "Oh my god," he said. "I can't wait to see what happens when you're…" he trailed off, seeing that his mother was about to freak out if he said the last part of his sentence. "Never mind."

He stormed out of the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Hermione bolted upright in bed. It was February 28, the day before Ron's birthday. She sighed and got out of bed. On her way down to breakfast, she grabbed her six million page book, which was actually getting quite good (she was reading about the wars between various muggles in the 19th century). For breakfast, she made herself and omelet, and then she went upstairs to take a shower. Once showered, she dressed, blow-dried her hair, and hurried off to London to buy Ron's birthday present, all before six o'clock. On her way out, she waved cheerfully to a confused Mr. Weasley, who was just beginning to get ready for work.

When Harry woke up, he shuffled downstairs and ate a bowl of cereal before following Hermione's general routine of getting ready. He met Ginny on his way out of the shower and greeted her with a kiss.

"Hey, Gin," he said as he walked past.

"Harry, wait," Ginny called seductively.

Harry smiled to himself and turned around. "Yeah, Ginny?" he asked, moving towards her.

"Maybe we could…take a shower together…" Ginny suggested.

"Gladly."

After the young couple's very joyous shower, they dressed and Apparated to Diagon Alley to buy Ron's birthday present.

When Ron woke up, he was enormously confused. He didn't check Ginny and Harry's bed (the couples slept together the night before) but he couldn't help but notice the empty spot next to him where Hermione might have lain.

Slightly suspicious, he went to go and find her. When he arrived in the kitchen and she could not be seen, he grew worried. He searched through the entire house, but finally came to the conclusion that his lover must have tragically deserted him. Ronald fell to his knees, head in his hands. "Why? Oh, why?" he shouted at the ceiling above. Ron sobbed during his Apparation to the garden where he could cry.

When Mrs. Weasley woke up, she was very surprised that there was no one in the house at all. Once she had, in fact, confirmed they were absent, the first thing she did was check their rooms to make sure they hadn't spontaneously moved out. She braced herself for the evidence, but their stuff was still there. She breathed a sigh of relief and went downstairs to the kitchen for some pancakes.

Hermione had no clue what to get for Ron. He was actually quite hard to shop for. She didn't want to encourage anything dirty, especially around Mrs. Weasley. But she couldn't get him anything he'd hate, so what else was there? She had no idea. She went to every shop in Diagon Alley, and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes twice. She even went to Flourish and Blotts. Nothing. In complete desperation, she went to The Leaky Cauldron. Nothing. Finally, she went to regular muggle London and found the perfect gift.

_Now isn't it ironic how Ron has always given me women advice books, and yet he always needs so much help himself?_ Harry was thinking to himself as he browsed the shelves of Flourish and Blotts. He and Ginny had been shopping for so long that they had to split up to do their actual shopping. Harry ended up buying two things for Ron's eighteenth birthday. One was a book called, _Sixteen Fail-Safe Ways to Get Your Lover Pregnant. _The second was the latest broom, which of course Harry owned and Ron wanted, called the _Firebolt Six Million._

When Harry and Ginny met up, they were afraid that Mrs. Weasley would think they had been doing something dirty, so they Apparated immediately without so much as conversing. When Harry and Ginny returned to the Burrow, they hurried upstairs, dropped off their presents to Ron, and hurried back down. They were excited to see that Hermione had just gotten back, and she and Ron were pissing off one another in the garden. Harry and Ginny went outside and sat under a nearby tree to watch.

"Shut up Ronald!" Hermione was saying.

"No, Bitch, you shut up! You didn't even leave a note! You know how that looks? After last night? Come on, Hermione!"

Harry and Ginny burst into laughter. There was no doubt; Ron was acting incredibly moody today.

"Ronald, we've got an audience!" She gestured to Harry and Ginny, who waved joyfully.

"I don't fucking care, Hermione!"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, RONALD!" Hermione screamed.

Ron glared. "I HATE YOU HERMIONE!" he shrieked before kissing her passionately.

Hermione broke apart to scream at him some more. "YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUBBORN, RON!" She made out with him.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH HERMIONE!"

They smothered one another.

"Hermione, you're such a bitch," Ron muttered, taking off her shirt and French kissing her.

"Ronald, I hate you," she took off his shirt and kissed his chest.

They muttered contradictory insults between each sexual move for about ten or fifteen minutes. After a while, though, Harry and Ginny heard Ron mutter, "Bloody brilliant," and they got up and left. "Show's over," Harry proclaimed extraordinarily loudly. He and Ginny went upstairs to their own bed and had some fun of their own for a little while. After a couple hours, they went back downstairs to the living room and talked to one another over glasses of pumpkin juice.

Mrs. Weasley, who was chopping carrots in her living room, suddenly decided she wanted to get rid of some of the gnomes in the garden, and announced that to Harry and Ginny.

"UNBELIEVABLE! YOU TWO AGAIN? AND IN MY OWN GARDEN?" Mrs. Weasley was furious.

Meanwhile, pumpkin juice was sprayed all over the living room walls as Harry and Ginny burst into laughter. _They were _still_ at it?_ Harry thought incredulously.

The next day, Hermione woke up smelling pretty flowers and stretched peacefully. Once wide awake, she looked at her surroundings. She was still in the garden. How was she still in the garden? She looked to her left and shook a naked Ron awake, thinking he must be freezing, and realizing she wasn't wearing any clothes herself.

"Wha—Whaddaya want?"

"Ron get dressed," she told him, putting her bra on.

"No….Hermione, come back to bed…"

"Ronald, we're in your mother's _garden_."

"No—What-?" Ron looked around confusedly. "What the-?"

Hermione kissed him. "Happy Birthday," she muttered seductively, pulling his shirt on instead of taking it off.

"Oh yeah," Ron said, dazed for a second.

"Come on," she said, patting his thigh in hope of motivation. "Before your mother finds—uh-oh…"

They had just started to pull their clothes on, when Mrs. Weasley arrived in the garden. "What the bloody hell did you do?" She screamed, furious.

Hermione hurriedly put on a shirt and pants, both of which turned out to be inside out and backwards.

Ron took his time putting on his pants; his mother had caught him at it so many times that he didn't even really care anymore. He did mind the yelling, however. He braced himself.

"YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AT IT SO MANY TIMES LATELY! I HAVE HAD IT! I'VE HIT MY LIMIT! THAT'S IT! NOT IN MY HOUSE — OR ON MY PROPERTY! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU TWO! LOVE IS MORE THAN JUST SEX YOU KNOW! AND IN THE GARDEN! THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST PLACE EVER! _**EVER!**_

"Oh, and Happy Birthday, Ron," Mrs. Weasley added in a contrasting sick-too-sweet of a voice.

Of course, that didn't last long at all. "BUT YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TO STOP! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YELLING AT YOU ABOUT THIS! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO!"

Mrs. Weasley yelled at the couple for another full hour, and then she finally let them go back into the house.

"NOW GO! GET OUT OF MY FACE!"

Glad to be through with listening to her, Ron and Hermione sprinted into the house all the way to Hermione's room. There, they found Harry and Ginny having it out on Ginny's bed. Incidentally, Mrs. Weasley's screaming had woken them both up, and they had gone downstairs to watch, and to see Ron and Hermione when they came inside. But they got bored of waiting, so they went to Ginny's room to practice their other favorite pastime.

So Ron and Hermione had nothing to do but go into Ron's room and start from where they left off before they had fallen asleep in the garden.

After a few hours, both couples were done, Mrs. Weasley had cooled down, and Mr. Weasley, George, Bill, and Fleur had come home to celebrate Ron's birthday.

Ron was beginning to get suspicious. Everyone kept telling him they had gotten him the best present. He was wondering if they were teasing him. He knew better than to hope for the _Firebolt Six Million._ His family wasn't nearly wealthy enough to buy him a new broom.

When it came time for dinner, Ron was surprised at the volume of the food. It was the same variety of the Opening Feast, on a smaller scale. They all sat down to eat, and Ron asked Hermione if she could pass the biscuits.

"'May you pass the biscuits?'" Hermione corrected.

Ron raised his eyebrows. "No, it's 'Can you pass the biscuits?'"

All of the Weasleys were simply staring at the pair of them in awe.

"No, Ronald," Hermione went on. "It's 'May you pass the biscuits?'"

Ron tossed a nearby roll at Hermione.

Hermione tossed a biscuit at Ron.

Ron used his spoon as a catapult and flung corn in his lover's hair.

Enraged, Hermione used the same method to fling sweet potatoes at Ron.

Mrs. Weasley finally came to her senses and began shouting at them to stop. When she couldn't get their attention, the entire family began yelling at them. Of course, they were too engrossed in their fight to notice, so George took the liberty of throwing a pancake at them. Soon, all of the Weasleys except Bill were throwing food at Ron and Hermione, who were yelling and throwing food at each other. Fleur was just sitting there quietly, Victoire on her lap, afraid to get involved. Finally Ron and Hermione noticed the food being pelted at them, and they began throwing food back at the Weasleys. Everyone was throwing food at each other, and Ron and Hermione were still yelling.

Harry and Ginny were throwing food at each other and laughing. They seemed really happy throwing food in each other's faces, which Ron found extremely odd. Someone had thrown mashed potatoes in Hermione's face and all down her shirt and Ron was just a mess. Soon, he was all over Hermione, and soon they were snogging one another on the table. The amount of food being thrown at them only increased, but Ron and Hermione ignored them and rolled around in the Shepherd's pie instead. After a while, Bill walked into the room (he'd been in the bathroom).

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? STOP!"

Everyone froze.

"Relax," Bill continued. "Drop the food. Sit down. And eat."

Everyone dropped their food. Ron and Hermione rolled off the table and onto the floor. All of the Weasleys looked very ashamed (except for Ron, who was still looking hungrily at Hermione; and Bill, who looked very cross.) as did Harry and Hermione.

They ate their dinner in silence.

After dinner, they all took turns taking showers. George, Bill and Fleur went back to their homes to take theirs, and Mr. Weasley went first at the Burrow, followed by Mrs. Weasley, followed by Harry and Ginny (together) and lastly Ron and Hermione (together). Ron and Hermione were forced to go last because it was their fault. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went first because they were adults. And Molly Weasley had no idea her 'children' were taking showers together.

Everyone took their showers, and they gathered once again around the kitchen table. It was then that they remembered they were witches and wizards; they didn't have to take showers to become clean.


	13. Chapter 13

"Well," said Hermione, sitting next to Ron on the couch the next day, reading a book, "that was an interesting way to celebrate your birthday."

"Yeah…" said Ron. "I mean, snogging you on top of the kitchen table was pretty awesome, but I doubt Mum will let us keep seeing each other. Especially after we had sex in the garden."

Hermione chuckled. "Yeah," she said, "that was very… interesting. Let's put it that way."

Just then, Harry and Ginny walked in, holding hands. They had been inseparable for the past few days. They were staring at Ron and Hermione. Hermione didn't notice, of course. She was too wrapped up in her book. "Well," said Ron, "what are you staring at?"

"Does rolling around in the sweet potatoes ring a bell?" asked Ginny, snickering.

Ron blushed furiously. Hermione, who had also heard, dug her head deeper into her book. "It's nothing really to be ashamed of," said Harry. "It's just that…"

"Harry and I think you've gone a bit too over the top," Ginny finished for him.

"Thanks, Gin!" said Harry. Ron scowled. He still wasn't too uncomfortable with the idea of his best mate dating his baby sister.

"Ron," said Hermione, looking up from her book, "Harry and Ginny are right. Plus, half the time, it's not even my fault!"

"Well, you corrected my grammar and threw a biscuit at me!" shouted Ron.

"Yes," said Hermione, "only after you made a grammar mistake and threw a roll at me!"

"I think we have a winner!" said Ginny. "Ron started it."

Hermione reclined on the couch and crossed her arms, a sly smirk spreading slowly across her sneaky face. Ron was huffing and puffing, so he stormed up to his room, but then stopped halfway up the stairs and ran back down. "Harry, Ginny, shoo!"

He ushered them out. They had no idea what was going on. "Hermione," said Ron, "I need to tell you something."

"Shoot."

"What kind of an expression is that?"

"Just get on with it!" screamed Hermione, slightly irritated.

"Okay. Remember when I was poisoned on my last birthday and you came to the hospital wing to visit me?"

"Yes, Ronald."

"Well, remember how I muttered something in my sleep?"

"Yes, Ronald."

"Stop that!"

"Sorry, Ronald," said Hermione.

Ronald rolled his eyes. "Well, after you had left, Harry told me that I muttered your name; except it sounded more like Er-my-nee. It still counts."

"Wow, Ron," said Hermione, shocked. "That's- that's—"

"It's because I loved you then."

"You- you did?" asked Hermione. "Then why did you go out with 'Lav-Lav'?"

"Because I wanted to make you jealous," replied Ron. "Wait, I've already told you a few months ago that I had liked you for a while. You said you've liked me since fifth year, but it didn't look like you liked me in sixth year when you went out with McLaggen."

"That's because I was trying to make _you_ jealous. I guess it worked. Anyway, that's why I was so aggravated when I saw you and Lavender snogging like there was no tomorrow."

"Well," said Ron, "now there's someone else who I can do that with."

"Me too," replied Hermione.

"Oh my god," said Ron. "Who is he?"

"It's that mature, but immature, redheaded boy with the blue eyes and lots of freckles," replied Hermione.

"Aw man," said Ron. "I HATE THAT GUY! SO YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?"

Hermione silenced his tirade with a kiss. When they broke apart, she looked into his eyes and said, "It's you, silly. And you think you're smart."

Meanwhile, Harry and Ginny were sitting on Ginny's bed, reading Muggle magazines that Hermione had brought over. She was going to pack them up, because in two days, she was leaving to find her parents in Australia and lift the memory charm she had cast on them. Even if she did, she would still live at the Burrow, like Harry already did. Plus, she was happy with Ron.

Ginny eyed Harry carefully as he turned the page of a magazine called _Skateboards Galore_. She cleared her throat loudly and then sighed. Harry didn't seem to notice. She moved closer and sighed again, but this time louder and longer. When he still didn't notice, Ginny was sure that he was ignoring her. So, she resolved the problem by grabbing him and kissing him for a second. When they broke apart, he bolted upward. "What was that for?" he asked.

"For you ignoring me," replied Ginny. "So…"

"So," replied Harry. They continued to read, but then Harry slammed his magazine down on Ginny's bead, ruffling the covers. "What did Mrs. Weasley say when she pulled you aside that one day a few days ago."

"That would've been February 24th. Now it's March 2nd, so—"

"Gin, answer the question."

Ginny blushed. She wanted to tell Harry what her mom had asked her, but she knew he was going to laugh and make fun of her in some way. When he noticed her hesitation on answering, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Ginny," he said, "don't be shy. You can tell me anything, remember?"

"Yes, Harry, of course I remember. It's just that… well… do you promise you won't laugh?"

"I promise not to laugh, Gin."

"Okay." Ginny took a deep breath and said, "She asked me if I intended on marrying you, or the other way around, and I said it was your choice and then she snapped at me."

Harry's lips curled upward into a smile. "You promised!" screamed Ginny.

"My choice?" said Harry, giggling. "I think it will be your choice too."

Ginny's eyes widened. Harry said it _will_ be her choice, not _would_ be. This only meant one thing. She knew he was intending on marrying her. She just didn't want him to spoil it.

"Then what did she say?" asked Harry.

"She asked me if I intended on getting pregnant and I told her it depended on the first question and she got mad at me again. Hey, you're laughing again!"

Harry was chuckling slightly. "Now that can be your choice or my choice," he said. "I mean, both of us would be there at the event, so… yeah."

"Well," replied Ginny, "if it does happen, who else would it be that would knock me up?"

She laughed along with Harry and rested her head on his shoulder. He gave her a quick kiss and then Ginny nearly tackled him, deepening the kiss. They had made their way from sitting on Ginny's soft bed to standing in front of the door of Ginny's room. It didn't look like they were going to stop for a while.

Ron was walking up the stairs, Hermione trailing after him, when he heard some noises coming from Ginny's room. "Wait here," he told Hermione, knocking on Ginny's door.

There was no answer, so he burst in, and to his surprise, he found the passionate couple making out in front of the door. They paid no attention to Ron's presence in the room. Ron scowled as he said, "Harry, Ginny, knock it off!"

They paid no attention. He yelled, "OI!" several times, but there was still no reply. He resorted to his last plan. He got in between them and pushed them apart. "Hey!" shouted Ginny. "What was that for?"

"Seriously, mate!" shouted Harry, who was as angry as Ginny was.

"It just bothers me, alright!" screamed Ron.

"Well if you didn't notice," said Ginny, "I love Harry and he loves me back. Why else would we be snogging? DEAL WITH IT!"

She slammed the door in his face. Hermione had caught up to Ron, whose eyes were swimming with tears. "Ron," she said, "Ginny's right. It's just like us, but we're a little more… elaborate. I think they're fine. Stop worrying. Come on, let's go do… stuff, Ronald."

And with that, Harry and Ginny continued kissing each other while Ron and Hermione made their way downstairs.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry and Ginny were snogging one another nonstop, something they had planned to piss off Ron with no Hermione to stop him. Hermione had left for Australia, and Ron was bored to death and needy. Ron was on the sofa staring at the coffee table for no apparent reason. Harry and Ginny came in from the kitchen and started making out on the coffee table in the exact place Ron had been staring at.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF THE TABLE AND GET A FUCKING ROOM!"

Ginny looked up. "At least there aren't sweet potatoes under us. And besides, Ronald, we're fully clothed," she added mockingly.

Ron scowled and stormed up the stairs. Seconds later, the Weasleys and Harry heard wails of, "Hermione! Hermione!" which caused Harry and Ginny to burst into laughter.

Ronald Bilius Weasley cried himself to sleep at one o'clock that afternoon and slept until three the next day. The past few nights, he had not slept because he was up all night having intercourse with Hermione. When he did finally wake up, he stayed in bed staring at the ceiling until dinnertime.

Ron came downstairs and found Harry and Ginny at it again at the foot of the stairs.

"Oh quit it," Ron shouted, still groggy.

Ginny pulled away from Harry. "Ron, you need a hobby."

"Doing Hermione _was_ my hobby."

Ginny rolled her eyes and continued snogging Harry for the fun of it.

Ron kicked them as he walked down the stairs.

Ginny was enraged, and both of them were left rubbing their aching body parts.

"RON! That _hurt_!" She hexed him so that he had a unibrow.

Completely forgetting about magic, Ron ran over and punched her in the face, making her sob like a baby.

Harry made that better with a simple spell and hexed pus-filled boils all over Ron's face. Ron cursed and ran away, screaming for Hermione.

"Man, you'd think Hermione was gone for good or something, the way he's screaming like that," Ginny said, hand over her eye, which was still red and puffy despite the counter spell.

"Yeah, I think he's afraid she'll suddenly have the desire to be a muggle and stay with her parents," Harry replied, rolling his eyes. He turned to face Ginny and examined her eye. "Hey, but are you okay?"

Ginny smiled vaguely. "Fine."

Harry repeatedly kissed the wound, which made Ginny start laughing uncontrollably.

"What?" Harry asked, laughing a bit himself.

"Nothing," Ginny replied.

After dinner, Ron went back to staring at the ceiling in his room, and Harry and Ginny retreated to Ginny and Hermione's room for a bit of sex, and maybe even some conversation.

Mrs. Weasley had removed Ron's boils as well as the unibrow, and had gotten rid of Ginny's wound once and for all. She had also given Ron an extensive lecture on how not to interrupt snogging couples on stairways, much to Harry and Ginny's delight.

Eventually, Ron got bored of staring at the wall and fell asleep, muttering about Hermione between snoring.

The Weasleys and Harry had all moved to Australia, and they were in the same village as the Grangers, who now, apparently, were a wizarding family. Hermione was in love with McLaggen, and she had told Ron in a duel that he was stubborn, selfish, and immature. Lavender Brown was in love with Ron, but he hated her with a passion. He absolutely _hated_ the nickname "Won-won." It was the most hideous name he'd heard of in his life. And he despised how she expected him to ear that stupid disgusting little locket all the time.

After a month, Hermione got pregnant, and her and McLaggen moved to France, but not before informing Ron he was a selfish git. Ginny and Harry had some babies (sixty-four, in fact.) They were often snogging before his eyes, despite his protests, and Ron became old and gray. Lav-lav insisted Ron be buried with that hideous locket of his.

After thrashing, tossing and turning for hours in his bed, Ron woke up. He returned to staring at the ceiling, this time fretting about what Hermione might think of him when she came back. Would she still love him? Will she think she's a muggle? Will she finally realize she _does_ like McLaggen after all?

Ron worried about Hermione until breakfast, at which time he fell right back to sleep, face down in his scrambled eggs.

Harry and Ginny came down to breakfast together. They were dressed in skimpy clothes and had very clearly just had sex. When they saw Ron, asleep in his eggs, they poked him to wake him up.

"Oh, Hermione, yeah, that's good, oooh, do that again…"

Ginny and Harry exchanged disgusted glances and poked him harder.

"Yeah, Hermione, that's the spot."

"One, two, three!" Harry and Ginny counted together.  
In unison, Harry and Ginny pushed him as hard as they could, causing Ron to fly off the chair and across the room.

"Wha—" Ron looked around wildly for the source. "Hermione?"

"No, Ron, it's Harry and Ginny," Ginny told him. "You fell asleep in your scrambled eggs. When we tried to wake you up, you started making sexual noises and saying Hermione over and over."

Ron's ears turned scarlet. "I was not! Liar! You're just making fun of me because I'm in love with Hermione and she's not here to tell you to lay off me."

Ginny rolled her eyes and turned to Harry. "You wanna go take a shower?"

Harry nodded. "Certainly." They hurried up the stairs.

Ron roared with rage.

Meanwhile, Harry and Ginny undressed completely and jumped in the shower, already snogging before the water hit their backs.

Mrs. Weasley was surprised at how late she woke up that morning. She went out to feed the chickens before going up to take a shower. She was preoccupied and didn't notice the light was on. She went into the bathroom humming. Harry and Ginny, engrossed in their business, didn't notice until Mrs. Weasley flung open the shower curtain.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Harry and Ginny froze and backed away from one another, scrambling for clothes. They located their dirty clothes and got dressed hurriedly while listening to Mrs. Weasley scream at them. Harry had his shirt inside out and backwards. Ginny had put her skirt on the wrong way, so that the part that was supposed to be facing downwards was on her hips.

"I never thought you would do this!" she shouted. "You children are certainly not old enough to take showers together! CERTAINLY NOT IN MY BLOODY HOUSE!

"AND HARRY POTTER: I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! HOW DARE YOU! AND GINNY! I'D THINK…MY OWN DAUGHTER…I'D THINK YOU'D BE MORE BLOODY RESPONSIBLE, THAT'S WHAT! STAY A VIRGIN A WHILE, HUH? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"OH, WELL, I'M GINNY WEASLEY, THE FIRST WEASLEY DAUGHTER IN GENERATIONS, AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M NOT A VIRGIN!" She continued in a mocking skank voice.

"OH HARRY," Mrs. Weasley mimicked, still shrieking. "SHE'S NOT HERE; SHE WON'T FIND OUT! SHE DOESN'T MATTER! LET'S GO HAVE INTERCOURSE IN HER VERY OWN SHOWER!"

It went on this way for hours; Harry and Ginny listened patiently. Finally, Mrs. Weasley ended it by telling them to get out of her sight immediately.

Harry and Ginny sprinted to Ginny's room. When they left the bathroom, they found Ron, who had clearly been listening to the fight with extendable ears, though he hardly needed them.

Ron smirked. "Look who has a new hobby now," he called out them smugly from down the hallway.


End file.
